Sunshine Girl/Cloudy Womyn

If any of you read the Calgary Sun and take it seriously, quit reading my blog. Or, keep reading my blog and the blogs of several of the posters, and get your sorry excuse for a self EDUCATED.

The greatest point of simultaneous tragedy and comedy in the Calgary Sun is the Sunshine Girl. She's tragic because she represents misogyny, patriarchy, the commodification of women's bodies, and the perpetual expectation that women should 'dumb down' as much as possible in an attempt to make men feel comfortable. Furthermore, she represents the rewards--albeit transient, unfulfilling, and intellectualy vacuous rewards--available via exploitation and the acceptance of such 'dumbing down.' And, if one needs to think about this in somewhat lighter--although still sociological--terms, the Sunshine Girl is pretty fucking comedic. Do I really need to expand on this? Do I?????

What if we had the antithesis of the Sunshine Girl featured daily? What would we call her? The darkness girl? The rainy-day bitch? The cloudy womyn? Whatever the title, I think such an effort is viable, and could potentially reveal the dangerous implications of this longstanding practice; if that's acheived, we'll have addressed the 'tragic' quality of the Sunshine Girl. If that's not achieved, it'll just be funny, 'cause then all 3 of us could read it and have a laugh.

So, I'm offering myself as a 'model' 'Cloudy Womyn' in this effort. Based on this week's Sunshine Girl coverage, I've composed some juxtapositions for the purposes of illustration:


"Sunshine Girl Dana....Our blue-eyed Pisces wants to be the next Oprah. As well as spending time with her friends and bengal cat Kadia, this 5-foot-6 fashion stylist enjoys playing beach volleyball and ultimate Frisbee, as well as collecting Trident wrappers and doing wardrobe makeovers."

Cloudy Womyn: Our brown-eyed Pisces wants to be the next Dorothy Smith, Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin, or Bruno Latour. In addition to spending time with her unobediant and chronically-flactulating beagle, Bella, this 5-foot-7 sociologist enjoys studying the Hegelian dialectic and its connections to Marxist thought, as well as offering constant and unwanted advice on idealogical makeovers to the bougies she seems to constantly come in contact with. She thinks it's fucked up that anyone who isn't mentally ill collects Trident wrappers, and thus thinks Dana and her physician should consult the DSM (although it should be noted that Cloudy Womyn thinks the DSM is an incubator of dangerous and widespread social control).

"Sunshine Girl Jolene ... This 25-year-old sports fanatic says she has the perfect job -- working as the promotions co-ordinator at all-sports radio station The Fan 960 (although she does have to put up with morning show host Mike Richards serenading her with a certain Dolly Parton song). A beautiful girl who loves sports? No wonder she has a boyfriend and he's a lucky lad, indeed. "

Cloudy Womyn....This 23-year-old inequality-eradication fanatic says she has the perfect job--studying how oppressed social groups experience barriers to health care via a lack of cultural competence amongst health care professionals, particularly on the part of physicians (although she does have to put up with hack academics from non-social science backgrounds attempting to offer poor advice on how to structure her methodology). A postmodernist who also loves discussing the inappropriate bifurcation between theory and method? How the fuck did SHE get a boyfriend?! Is this a typo?

"Sunshine Girl Macy... Suffice it to say Macey is sizzling, especially when she's dancing to reggae and salsa music. A 24-year-old criminology student, she can handle herself, thanks to some karate lessons. After she graduates, she plans on getting a law degree and quitting her job at Hooters."

Cloudy Womyn....Suffice it to say Cloudy Womyn is bitchy, particularly when she's listening to people talk about their bank balances, and/or completing ethics applications. Formerly a criminology student--until she realized that traditional criminological approaches emulated grand theory to such an extent that the localized experiences of victims were silenced in the academic literature--she can handle herself, thanks to a bout of potentially serious illness. After she graduates (a contraversial subject, for she may not graduate....ever!!!), she plans on conducting research that critiques both lawyers and the practices of Hooters managment and employees, and in doing so hypothesizes that she'll locate deep and disturbing interconnections amongst all of her target study groups.

Beware the Perils of Calgary Driving.....

This past week, Calgary was hit by a snow storm that, 3 days later, largely due to global warming and an accompanying chinook, is no longer particularly evident. As someone who hates driving anyway, I get completely pissed and overcome with anxiety whenever one of these hits, and normally take refuge in a convenient location until someone a little more snow-driving-savvy can pick my sorry ass up until the snow plows do their thing. And I think I've finally figured out why these events are so frustrating. I don't know if these 'snow day' phenomena are particular to Calgary, but they annoy they fuck out of me nonetheless. My observations are as follows:

1. The 'I'm such a cool driver syndrome.' Whenever the roads turn to ice and our bridges/overpasses/major intersections turn into hockey rinks, there's always 2 types of vehice-driver combinations that give the danger NO regard: the first are people driving cars so completely incapable of handling it. They're typically behind the wheel of a dodge colt/hyundai (spelling??) something or other/or 1983 honda civic, with tires that haven't been changed in 17 years that resemble those on my bicycle. The irony of this crowd is that, in their completely inappropriate for winter vehicles, they're always getting so far up on your ass, and/or you see them barrelling down a slippery hill at warp speed in your rearview, wagering war on the bumper of your precious transportation device (precious only because without it you'd have a 2 kilometer distance for efficiently socializing in Calgary, the city of 1 million people and 3 bus routes). What are they thinking?!!!??!?!!

The second is the people at the other end of the spectrum--those driving opulent and totally unecessary SUV's (generally in the Range Rover, Jeep, and Nissan family, and contributing to said global warming at an alarming rate). They get a look of vindication in their eyes when the snow falls and the roads turn to sheets of potential injury and death: "Hahaha! This is what I bought this thing for!!!! Hahahaha! I spend $3498530945 a year on gas, and this is why!! Hahahah! You suckers in your lame ass economy vehicles!! Hahahaha! I pay my rent with my line of credit 'cause the financing on this thing takes up half my paycheque, but this makes it all worth it!! Hahahaha! I'll show you what this 4x4 can DO, bitches!!!" What' s hilarious is that our neighbour is a police officer, and he verified my assertions by telling me that it's exactly theSe two groups who cause the vast, vast majority of accidents.

2. The 'You're so stupid/I'm so cool' tow-truck operator. I'm not only completely hateful of driving, I'm also really bad at maintaining my car. Thus, I require frequent visits from AMA, making my $80 a year membership arguably the greatest deal in human history. However, not only have I, but several other people I've chatted with, experienced the complete patronization of these people. They routinely make comments like "Well....you'll know next time not to lock those keys in the car;" "Ya know, you could have just plugged it in;" or, my personal favourite, "If you'd checked the air in your tires, I wouldn't be here right now." Well ya know what douchebag? If you weren't here, you wouldn't be getting paid! In fact, human stupidity on some level likely comprises about 90% of the bases of tow-truck drivers visits. With very few exceptions, accidents, engine freezing, flat tires, and lock outs are due to both enormous and small oversights by motorists. Ipso facto, if people actually THOUGHT about the consequences of their vehicular oversights, these tow-truckers (often self-employed) would have a pretty sporadic and un-profitable line of work. Lesson learned: don't bitch at your bread and butter, dickheads. I probably put your kids through college by neglecting to change my oil. And my failure to own a tire pressure gauge probably financed your summer home.

I'm applying to the University of California for a PhD.